Office Jargon 2

To avoid confusing office speak workhate proudly brings you a growing list of jargon definitions that will help you with inter-personnel communication. Or something.

Time Management
i) The art of doing just enough work to fill a 40 hour Excel spreadsheet, whilst spending the majority of the week surfing for a new job and replying to personal emails.
ii) Stretch your lunch hour to the max by leaving your desk 5 minutes after everyone else does, yet say you went 5 minutes before they arrived back. Soon, you'll be enjoying two hour lunches at leisure.

Stationary supplies
A useful pool of attractive Post It Notes, coloured paper clips, binders, folders, envelopes, and good quality paper, useful for the production of impressive CVs and the topping up of employees’ home supplies.

Media Job
Inclusion of the word ‘media’ in any job advertisement entitles employers to slash salaries to just below that of a street sweeper, whilst demanding long hours, fashionable clothing, gratitude, and sexual favours.

Company Mail
Too much Xmas shopping? Don't struggle home with it on the bus. Post it home. Also very handy for sending those ebay valuables you've sold to someone in Mongolia via courier.

Graduate
Naïve, fresh, wide-eyed workforce newbie, armed with an irrelevant degree, ready to take on the world of work. Useful for washing up and filing. Will work for practically nothing, less if job description contains the word ‘placement’.

Environmental Policy
Deciding who does all the dishes in the shared kitchen.

Proposal
Emailing a colleague sitting opposite, asking them if they’d like a drink after work and then winking when they make eye contact.


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