Interviewer: Roundy TubsonReasons for leaving
It was agreed that, while Work H@te has been a lively member of the team, now is an excellent and opportune time to part company.
Work H@te's performance over the last year has been, at best, reluctant. Work H@te informs us that the reason for any lack luster effort was a dissatisfaction with the role (quote: "I'd rather staplegun my eyes to my brain than input one more digit into one more spreadsheet, you overly-officious, jumped-up, sneering little tub-bucket").Outstanding issues
Although the subject was broached, Work H@te was not prepared to volunteer information regarding the still unexplained stationery deficit that coincided with Work H@te's time at the company. We would like to state for the record that Work H@te was wearing what can only be described as a smug smirk whenever this subject was mentioned. The interviewer would also like it to be noted that his pen and pad were missing at the end of the exit interview.
When quizzed about persistent ill health and absence, Work H@te fixed the interviewer with a steely look and responded: "Mondayphobia is a very serious and distressing medical condition. Any more implications that this is not the case will be dealt with by my lawyers."Future plans
When discussing future plans, Work H@te became delirious; sobbing, laughing, and skipping around the room, singing: "I'm going to the other side of the planet to write a book! I'm going to be a writer on a national newspaper paper! Ah ha! Ah ha ha ha ha! Ah haaaaa!"Leaving party
After mutual agreement that any further time spent together would be a second too long, Work H@te's leaving celebrations will entail the presentation of the bath salts and card purchased with the £3.12 from the circulated envelope. This will be followed by the ceremonial carrying of the pot plant and left over tinned soups from the desk drawer to the MD's car for the official 'last day lift to the station', and 'insincere wave-off'.
Work H@te was a difficult employee; reluctant to join the lottery syndicate or weekly line-dance bonding exercise. We are glad that they are finally moving on.