Random Acts of H*tred

M*rons in meetings
Nobody wants to be there. Everyone is battling valiantly to stay awake. Yet, there is always one with abso-f**king-lutely nothing to say, and ten thousand ways to say it. Any other business? H*ll yes. Bullied at school? You betcha.

The IT guy
"Outlook won’t work because you have so many huge files in your inbox – that one’s twenty mega smega gigs! We’ve only got 28 ram capacity! Well, my lovely, now I can lean right over you in far too intimate a fashion, smugly breathing my vile coffee breath right into your recoiling face, clicking through dull programmes at an amazing rate, talking utter geek sh*te about installing a link to the proxy server, and shutting down your MSN conversation without warning. God I am so lonely."

Skive of the Week

"You know Ms. Boss; you’ve done an amazing thing allowing me to get the National Blood Service to come into the office today. Yes, it was a big disruption, and I guess we’re not going to be all that productive now, but think of all those tiny, bleeding babies that we’ve saved! Whoa, I’m coming over all woozy again – be a love and stick the kettle on would you? And while you’re there, slide that packet of digestives over – I can’t… quite… reach..."