FYI: Hoarsely-whispered reports of Laryngitis sky-rocket

You may know by now that Work Hate is proud champion of the mental health day and so it will come as no surprise that we were horrified to discover this in the Metro:

“Firms are hiring nurses to grill staff over their symptoms. Instead of phoning the boss, workers are now being told to ring a call centre where they must detail their symptoms to a nurse. Active Health Partners, which has started the scheme and has 20 clients, claims it slashes the number of sick days.



'Our nurses will give staff confidential advice to help them improve quicker' said managing director Alan Aldridge.
Of 176 million sick days in Britain last year, 25 million were believed suspicious, he added."

This, of course, raises an obvious question. How many times can you ring up and complain of a dry mouth / headache / bloodshot eyes / loss of will to live - before they start getting 'suspicious'?

Read our tips for pulling the ultimate sickie

Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel

Here we dissect the art of the Business Image, a practice long shrouded in mystery. Few people know that this tradition originated in a Tibetan Monastery circa 1542. Monks would take turns wearing pinstripe suits and posing in a range of tableaux: holding a mobile phone, walking behind a glazed window carrying a suitcase, chewing on a biro - as an offering to Buddha. Buddha would later become patron deity of the NASDAQ.

Bravely defying all copyright laws, Work Hate takes a closer look at some seminal images and critiques them for a modern audience.




She's happy. She's holding out her hand. "It's easy as Pie," she seems to be saying. She's beautiful and she knows it. When she walks into the office in the mornings Nick (foreground) imagines that she takes out her bun and shakes her hair loose. In his fantasy there's a wind machine. Time slows down. He'd love to sleep with her but he's afraid that she might laugh at his collection of toy trains that he's been collecting since he was nine.

Iconography: Cross Eyed Black Woman. Check. Out of focus map of the world. Check. Blindingly white teeth. Checkity Check.

The potion had worked. They were now officially the new big thing on Wall Street. Taking stock of the situation Amanda surveyed the crowd, and spying Mr Partridge, she leaned in for the kill.

Iconography: Phallic Buildings. Blindingly white teeth. M*crophilia.

Sheesh, Token Black Woman much? She might as well be wearing a tribal mask and breastfeeding twins. Actually, I think that's what this picture needs. Oh, and the guy on the left is hiding a stiffy.

Iconography: Token Black Woman. Complementary Colours. Erections.

The cocktails at lunch had made them all a bit giddy. Dan was on his mobile phone. "Do you do rooms by the hour?" he was asking. Tina turned to Kathryn. "That Margarita has gone right to my head. I feel quite reckless," she giggled.

Iconography: Mobile phone. Ugly neck tie. Blindingly white teeth.

At the next meeting Grant couldn't help feel he'd acted rashly after Mr Wesley had instructed him to "turn up the heat."

Iconography: Suits. Erm, a tanning booth?

At lunchtimes, the team masqueraded as a vindictive little 7 year-old girl named Daisy at the Official Olsen Twins Chat Room.

Iconography: Token Black People. Jug of Vodka.